Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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