Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
