I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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