just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They took my balls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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