why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
