I think my vagina is haunted
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
