Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize