my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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