His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
