"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
