I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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