if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
