not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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