I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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