I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
