You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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