You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
