he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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