and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
a search helicopter?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize