he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
