I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
