You smell like stripper and shame
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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