Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
