You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
