i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
North Korea, Best Korea!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
