Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
