How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so let's talk penis.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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