cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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