I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
