I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
