you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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