Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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