We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
