Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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