I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
