Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
