I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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