I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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