What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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