you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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