she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize