The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
