this boner is exhausting
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
