I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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