Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
