your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
