Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
