I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize