What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
