We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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