You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
