It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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