the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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