If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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