Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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