If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
