dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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