dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My vagina just clenched in fear
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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