Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it glows. i had to have it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
