3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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