your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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