Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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