everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
