you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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