if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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