Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The power of my boobs compel you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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