come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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