so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
