oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize