dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im holly from the hills drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
