I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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