looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
