This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
