Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
