I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
