You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
