Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Houston, we have a blender
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
