singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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