you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
