the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
