If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
