2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
