so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
