Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
