That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
