He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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