I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
