you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
