eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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