Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
