now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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