My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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