Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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