i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
