im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
