i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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