omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
