I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
