I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
