i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
