Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
