and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
