Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pants are for mortals
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
