Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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